Forced

Hey y'all it's been a minute and I have been overly busy. Cheating on my challenge (judge yo ass) and more so working 50-11 jobs. However, I have made some changes moving forward. I have quite one of my beloved jobs and I looking to find another full-time. Though, I do love my job I don't feel like I can grow and the whole point of my life is to continuously grow. If you lack growth you will always be stuck. I hate getting stuck, this is the main reason I hate winter time Chi, I tend to always get stuck in the snow. Nevertheless, I had a thought, mostly out of anger. I started thinking about when we force things. We try to control our destiny and force issues. I am queen of the force. When Yoda said, " may the force be with you" (i don't think Yoda said it and I am not going to fact check) I took that saying to heart. I force everything. I force friendships, jobs, relationships and just about anything I want to go my own selfish way. The down side to forcing issues and things are that the outcome will never ever come out the way you want or intended. Sometimes it may seem like it will come out the way you want but trust me it is only temporary. What's a girl to do when she wants something so bad and things just don't seem like they are going as planned. Instead of me pulling out my light saver and slaying everyone into loving me, I have to learn to let things be. Let God, Let the universe handle my hard work. Why put more into a relationship (any kind) with out a return on investment. Against my own will I have been Luke Sky walker with a guy I am totally smitten by and I don't care how many times I hit this negro with my light saver, use the force he is dark Vader to my ass and it is just a uphill battle (the shit is hard). Unlike most basic females I cannot fight or force a guy for too long so I just pack my shit and head straight for the hills, specifically those going down. I really hate climbing hills. But at the end it easier to win a battle within then fight a losing battle with another person. I read today on my favorite blog Black Girls are Easy, they only competition I have is myself, the got damn man in the mirror. So today, I am going to stop fighting this exhausting battle and start to fight the internal one, the one I can win for the betterment of myself. No more trying to prove to anyone anything either yo ass love me or live me alone. SIMPLE !