Single and Shitty

So freaking cliche', single and fabulous, but the reality is single and phucking frustrated. Let's be honest here most single women over the age of 28 are in a panic and if they say they're are not most likely they are lying to you and themselves to make their lonely ass feel better. It is an unspoken rule that women, especially black women, age out. Okay, before you start a change.org petition against this blog on my first post, follow me here. When you creep into your thirties you get this great wisdom, great sex drive and about a million horrible relationship. You should have settled down in your twenties. So to all my twenty something’s put down that tequila keg and go find you a husband immediately it is not worth it. Nevertheless, before I continue down this path of righteousness, several of my male friends have asked me to write a book about my love life because a) the stories they hear from me are hilarious and pretty crazy b) My life is entertaining despite how boring I find it. So I decided to take an much lazier alternative and write a blog. But this not just a relationship blog, this blog is about my ever so sucky dating life. I mean this dating life sucks. So in order to pull myself out of the dating worm hole, I went even a step further and decided to take 30 days and figure out why I am always the temporary girlfriend preparing the guy for his full-time wife. WTF. I cannot count on all my digits how many men I have prepared for a wonderful life with their wives. At first I thought well it was in God's plan for them to marry the other woman then I realize God couldn't be this cruel all the time. I mean every year for the past couple of years I have gotten men ready for their walk down the aisle and essential made some other bish happy. SO someone please tell me what part of the game is this? I ask a close friend the other day, why don't men want me? When is there a paradigm shift in the relationship; when did I become the pursuer? His answer was clear and it made so much sense I was afraid. I was afraid that unlocking this knowledge would lead me to be by myself forever or actually find me a wonderfully loving WHITE man. I will reveal this lesson later in this 30 day exploration of me. So while I am doing my 30 days of single, I ask you all like and comment, I will also include some YouTube videos. This journey is beyond me just finding Mr. Right but learning about myself, getting myself together physically and mentally for the right man. Calm down Ivy it's not the end of your movie called life but it is the rolling credits on my eggs. During this next thirty days, I will do some extreme things, life changing events (maybe even my hair, just kidding I change that all the time), change my thought pattern and change the course of my love life. I figured I might be relationshiply challenged and I might need a little extra help to get it right , to make this thing in my head click. All behaviors can be unlearned and all bonds can be broken. I am now on my way to finding Mr. Right for me, a man who wants me just as much as I want them without all the unnecessary drama and emotions. There are lessons to be learned but first I have to look within and figure out what is it about me that finds the need to push or rush men. Maybe if I just sit back and enjoy this show everything I want and wish for will be revealed. Since this is the official kick off, DAY 1: My first challenge is to cancel all dates, turn off my phone and focus on just being with me. In my favorite movie/ book eat ,pray, love there is quote I making my day 1 mantra “When I get lonely these days, I think: So BE lonely, Liz. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person's body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings.” There is something rewarding in learning your way around your own loneliness. My desperation for the nuclear family has pretty much left me depleted and now it time to rebuild. Reflection is key, finding a complete center and learning how to take step back is essential to my growth. So Day 1 is dedicated to my inner peace and outer love. So friends don't call me, I will call you!